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Devotional | Madalyn Llewellyn | Jul 4, 2021
“The Lord is gracious and righteous, our God is full of compassion.” Psalm 116:5
When I lost my father on my 23rd birthday to cancer, all the “why” questions started coming in. Why him? Why us? Why today? Seriously, why today?!
We all have had those moments of wondering “why.” If you haven’t yet, unfortunately, your time is most likely coming someday. We will all experience the moments of pain and grief that take every ounce of air out of our lungs. We will all experience feeling lost, hurt, and broken.
I was recently reading a book, Wonderstruck by Margaret Feinburg. In it, she talked about changing the question of “Why?” to the question of “Who?” This quote hit me smack in the middle of the face: “As we begin asking who, our focus shifts from downward to upward, from inward to outward. We begin discovering the wonder of the presence of God all around us—and, ultimately, how he works through us.”
I thought back to those eleven months of my father’s fight with cancer and the years that followed. Who was with me through it all? Who showed up? Who carried me when I couldn’t stand? I was asking the wrong questions all along.
When my perspective shifted, I started to see God’s glory shine through all the darkness. God was in the hands of our small group who rallied to help with so many needs. God was in the smiles of the other patients and staff at MD Anderson. God was in the hands of the staff and volunteers at Crossings from Congregational Care to our Monday evening Griefshare group at CareSeries. God was in all those interactions.
I also saw God in the tiny details of our lives. My mom had told her Sunday School class how she was grieving the upcoming loss of my father, but also the lost dreams. She explained they had just finished building their house with a huge porch that they were supposed to grow old and rock in rocking chairs on. One morning, my mom woke up to two white rocking chairs on the porch for them to rock in before my dad passed. God showed up in the quiet mornings rocking on the front porch in those final days.
One of my lost dreams was that my children wouldn’t grow up with a grandfather on my side, but I’m reminded how God restores. My mom has since remarried a wonderful man. My daughters now have a PawPaw. They love him and he loves them. Does that take away the pain of the loss of my father? No, but God is still good. God still loves. God still cares. God is still restoring our lives. We still hurt, but we have great joy in God’s presence. The answer to who will be with me through it all is always God.
Maybe you are going through a hard time, and you are wondering “Why?” You may also be shifting your mind to “Who?” and you still can’t see him. We learned during our Unwavering series God was there with Job the entire time. God knew what was happening. God saw the pain. In the end, God restored Job’s family, his wealth, and his life.
“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death.” Psalm 68:19-20
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7
God,
I ask for forgiveness for all the times I try and go through trials alone. I’m sorry for when I lose sight of your unending mercy and grace. You alone can bring me comfort, and you alone and hold me up. Your power is vast and your love is deep. Help me when I face times of hardship to always turn my eyes upward to you and remember you are with me. Help me focus on you in those moments instead of my own selfish need for answers. I thank you for your compassion, mercy, power, and love.
Amen.
Madalyn Llewellyn
Social Media & Photography Coordinator
mllewellyn@crossings.church