Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
I have always had trust issues. When in the depths of despair with my anxiety overtaking me, more times than I wish to admit, I’ve relied on myself. Like James 1:6 states, I became a person “who doubts [and] is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” I saw myself being in control as more important than trusting God because I thought I knew what was best for me. For a while, it seemed okay. Nothing Earth-shattering happened. I continued to live my life, but loneliness and anxiety slowly crept in.
Anxiety for me doesn’t happen at once. It’s like a barely-dripping faucet. “Was that the right decision?” Drip. “Why did I do that?” Drip. “Where should I go from here?” Drip. “Am I doing the right thing?” Drip. And eventually, those tiny, questioning thoughts lead to one big panic attack. The foundation I built upon myself completely unravels, and I, too, feel like I am tossed by the wind.
Nothing is worse than feeling alone when you are full of insecurity and doubt. During one of my quiet times, I began reading James and discovered the verse mentioned above. What this verse shows me is that I have to stay faithful because when I take over and believe my way is correct, that is when the foundation breaks, and I am left more anxious and alone than if I stayed steadfast in him. The timing and the plan may be different than what I want but God is in control.
Once I relinquished control, I realized how free I could be. I didn’t have to let so many anxious “drops” constantly invade my mind (even though sometimes I still sneak a few in there every now and then). Above all else, it wasn’t as lonely. I can rely on someone I know will never fail me and always has my best interests at heart. He makes me stronger, and I can persevere through the hard times because those are the ones that grow my relationship in Him.
As many of us struggle with control, anxiety, and loneliness during this season, we need to stay faithful. I know it can be hard. I know sometimes all we want is normalcy. I know sometimes we think our plan is better, and we’re going to want to disregard precautions. I know some might not see an end in sight. But we need to remember our God is good and he has a plan. By continuing to build our foundation in Him, we can grow towards a place of less doubt and anxiety and remain faithful. For Ecclesiastes 3:11 states, “He makes everything beautiful in its time.”
You know my struggles, and you know my fears. Sometimes, I let anxiety and doubt overrule my judgment but I am grateful you give generously to all without finding fault. During this season, Lord, please help me to continue building my foundation in you and understanding that you have a plan. Through you, I am never lonely, never shaken, and I am strong. Trust is hard to give, but I know that trusting in you is the greatest reward.
In Jesus’ name,
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